LDR. Hearing the words, even just the acronym, is enough for everyone to feel the grimace and dread mounting in the situation. Heard of a colleague’s significant other leaving them for a period of time? Sucks to be them. Heard of a friend who’s about to through a long distance relationship (LDR)? Oh no, poor them, they sshould break up sooner than later when it’s too painful. Know of a couple that’s currently going through LDR? It’s only a matter of time before they end things.
With all this negativity sprouting here and there, it’s no wonder that the term “Long Distance Relationship” strikes a fearsome hold on many. Personally, the very thought chills me to the bone and leaves a lurching feeling in the pits of my stomach. To be separated from my significant other? Say it ain’t so!
With people swearing up and down it won’t work, with society pitting against the already difficult situation, with how everything and everyone agreeing that it’s better to just break up instead of going through the gore and pain of a long distance relationship-
Is there really any doubt why most LDRs don’t work?
With the intimidating shadow of LDR looming over my door step, I have encountered many of these encounters while counting the days when I will join the ranks of this so-called modern time ‘plague’. For weeks I had treated this inevitable situation like a predicted death sentence, (complete with dramatic funeral song), and if you’re in the same shoes that I am, hold on. Because after weeks of lamenting to this preconceived doom, in an attempt to hold on to the vestiges of my sanity, I’ve decided to reject it all.
All the statements, all the statistics, and all the doubts. Not that I can outright reject everything immediately, as there are still murmurs and moments of doubt, but in order to stick to my resolve of not perceiving the next period of my relationship as doomed, I’ve come up with a list of reminders for myself and for those contemplating and/or trying a long distance relationship.
- Ignore the Nay Sayers
Not saying for you to just disregard all statistics or experience from everyone, but taking too much of it into consideration would just lead to achieving one thing: weaving your very own self-fulfilling prophecy. From this, you’ll trip on the messy web you’ve constructed yourself.
Instead of taking to heart every story or comment given to you, focus on your relationship itself. Remind yourself one key thing, despite all the horror stories, remind yourself that this is your relationship. This is your path to venture. Comparing your story to another’s is just a means of self-sabotage.
Through-out the whole LDR process, (before and during), remember one thing: this isn’t just about you, it also includes your partner. So before you submerge in all the worrisome doubts over the idea of having to traipse over a long distance relationship, keep in mind you are NOT alone.
Although they might be far, far away, in what feels like a different planet, remember: you are in this together. So communicate and share about what’s going on with both of you. Tell each other menial, day-to-day things, inquire on what’s happening at their end of the globe.
With an open ended communication, there’s another ingredient needed to help you through this difficult period. Trust. Notably one of the most important parts of any relationship, trust is a vital component to any healthy relationship. Though, even if you do trust your partner, this does not mean your fears and doubts should be ignored, (if you don’t have any and are very much confident in the relationship, that’s good) because that’s quite normal, as we’re all human.
There are always other factors that just magnify whatever insecurities and doubts you may have. So, when it gets too overwhelming, close your eyes, remember your significant other and remind yourself why you trust them.
4. Don’t Give Up
Throughout the duration of separation of miles and time, there is without a doubt going to be snags and difficulties. Every relationship has their own share of trials and tribulations, even without the concept of long distance relationship factoring in. So, if you’re going through a tough time whilst abroad, or hitting a rough patch, take a moment. Think first; do you think the relationship is worth the hurt and effort? If you do, keep calm and don’t just throw the towel in. Work at it, and repeat step 2 and 3.
5. Remember if it’s meant to be, it will be.
Taking all the points above, remember though, that sometimes fate may not be what we want it to be. All that we can do is do what we can, give our all and pray that it’ll be enough. Have faith that if you’re meant to pull through this, you will.
And if that’s not the case, then just have faith that there will be better things down the road. Never regret for having loved and all your efforts in loving another, because there’s no other nobler reason for sacrifice but love.
And so we’ve come to the end of my attempt to provide comfort to those living with the shadow of doubts over their long-distance relationship. This may be a futile attempt by me to hold onto the lapels of my relationship, and just another feeble shout into a void but, as aptly put by John Green, I love you, and it’d be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.