“How do you know they’re the one?” she asked, a distant look in her eye.

And I can sense the thousand and one questions in her head, all swimming in her mind. I can feel her doubts and her fears wrapped tightly in her words. I know this, because I’ve felt this before. In fact, I’ve had countless conversations about this with myself. Spent time pondering on the same things; how do we know, they’re ‘the one’?

It’s a question that echoes in many minds, be it an obsessive compulsion or just a fleeting thought, ‘how do you know they’re the one?’. ‘The One’ – the elusive romantic soulmate that you were destined to be with, that you would spend the rest of your life with. Your other half, the missing piece to your confusing puzzle.

There are 7.5 billion people in this world spread out all over the globe. How will I even meet the one? How will I know, if I have?

Countless movies and books have left the ominous response ‘you just do’. This response, always without fail, leaves me with a moment of awe and clarity, briefly. After a while, the gears in my head would then kick up dust and wonder, what if I think I do, but then I haven’t? What happens then? Is there no sure way to figure it out?

The answer is, there isn’t. There is no ironclad confirmation or sign that just lights up when you meet your romantic destiny. There is no magical confetti or beautiful sound track, the clouds don’t part and let light shine on them while all else fades away. Maybe you had a hunch, or a feeling of certainty about them, but then, how could we be certain when life itself isn’t? It changes, and so with it, we do. We grow and change.  So how do we find this one person who can grow with us, and be with us through all the changes we’d undergo?

But here’s a thought: What if we don’t?

What if we don’t find ‘the one’ – instead, ‘the one’ finds us.

What I mean by this confusing statement is, instead of spending thought about figuring out who we’re meant to be with, and how we’ll meet them, maybe we should focus on our present. Focus on the life that you have, and who you have and build from there.

While looking at your significant other, instead of asking the universe if they are your ‘meant to be’, maybe look instead at things that you might be able to answer. Can you see a future with them? Can you imagine building a home, a family with them? Are you both on the same page?

You might wonder if that’s just pinning your hopes and dreams to something uncertain. Asking these questions don’t make them automatically ‘the one’. What if it doesn’t work out, and your heart gets trampled up again in the process?

Then, so be it.

Nothing in life is ever certain (except for death). Destiny will come, when it comes. Maybe you’ll meet ‘the one’ while in a queue to get jell-o in the canteen, or as you bond over similar interests and views. You could even discover them in the same eyes you’ve been waking up to after two years of marriage. Everyone has their preordained fate, it’s only a matter of allowing it to take course. Believe that everything happens for a reason, and that, Insyaallah, everything will work out for the best.

And, for those who are wondering if they’re already with the one? Focus on the present and ask questions that you can answer (aims, goals, plans). Find solace in their partnership, and be grateful that they’re in your lives even if it’s not permanent. Never regret for having loved someone, because the thing about love is, it isn’t for you.

It’s for them.

So, for those wondering if they’ll meet the one; hold on, as a kind, old lady once told me. Love will find you, when you’re ready. (My late grandma always said, if it’s meant to be, it will be, when it’s ready.)